Why Ladies Need to Stop Hearing What We Want to Hear
One conversation that I seem to have too often have with many of my guy friends is:
Guy Friend: I told this chick I just wanted to be cool. Nothing serious and she hit me up mad that I'm not trying to lock it down.
Me: Why do women have such a hard time believing men when they not only tell us, but show us, who they are?
Many of my male friends say that they tell girls straight up that they just want to be friends—and then they get accused of not calling or showing the attention the woman desires. I'm sure these guys (like most) leave out the fact that they boo up with these chicks which of course leads to the false hope. But it seem us ladies often create relationships not based in reality.
So many of us believe that we can change men. Like when a guys says "I'm not ready for a relationship," but the woman is and she continues to date him for years thinking he'll somehow evolve into a commitment. Didn't you hear what he said? He doesn't want what you want. While others of us have the negative super-power of being able to see all the good while blocking out all the bad--that's just self-sabotage in disguise.
[ALSO READ: Feel the Need to Get Married?]
The harsh truth is that no woman, no matter how beautiful, accomplished, cool, funny, sexy or whatever attribute can make a man do anything other than what he wants to do. That's neither sad nor a harsh truth, it's just what it is. And maybe, just maybe, if I and other chicas like me could just be true to ourselves, we'll come across the path of our Mr. Right rather than compromising, forcing the hand or trying to tweak Mr. Right Now.
I think we all know this theoretically—but in practice, we women have this tendency to hear only what we want.
I remember being with a guy that spent nearly all of his days by my side, but also made a point to tell me that he wasn't ready for a commitment every time I pressed the issue. Now sure, when I challenged him and said that his actions and words were not in alignment, he'd agree that I was right and he was wrong...and then we'd go on as if nothing changed. Because my actions told him it was okay for me to not get what I want, I'd still stick around.
I know, I'm not the first nor the last woman to experience this. (SIDEBAR: And isn't it fascinating how clearly see we when our friends are doing this but not at all when we're doing it?) But, I want us to do better ladies. I want us to be real with ourselves. Be the friend we are to our besties and tell the truth. Don't rationalize behavior that doesn't measure up. Get real and be honest about what you can live with and what you can.
Damn. If it were only that easy. And then again, it is. Make a decision and move forward. Right? You ladies out there that know better, those of you that have the power to see through the B.S. and keep it moving. How do you do it? Share some game with your girls.