Too Tired To Cheat
Cheating is not worth it; take it from someone who’s been caught in the act
Dear bitterSweet Readers,
For the next month, I need to take a break from everything, this blog included, to tie up some necessary loose ends - not such a mystery if you've noticed all the mentions I've made about a certain dissertation. But don't fret, I'm leaving you in the big strong hands of a man named Jozen Cummings. Some of you may already be familiar with his blog, Until I Get Married, some of you may not. Sometimes I agree with what he writes and sometimes I do not, but either way it's always thought-provoking. So, keep coming back 3 times a week for your dose of the bitterSweet from the male perspective. Don't worry, I'll be back in June! Now here's, Jozen
I have never been married, so I didn’t have to be dragged through some embarrassing divorce hearing or anything like that, but I have been caught and, personally, the shame and guilt I had to endure in front of just one other person—as opposed to, say, a judge and lawyers—was more than enough to make me decide to change.
Ever since that messy time in my life, 3 or so years ago, I promised myself I would never cheat again. I wish I could say I stayed true to that promise. I suppose we can say I wasn’t cheating, simply because in all my years of running around, I was, on paper, single. I didn’t have any a girlfriend, as in I didn’t put a title on many of my “situations” with women I dated, but I also never told them they were one of three or four or five. There was always three or four or five.
Knowing that my desire for female company was serious and real, I convinced myself that the only way I was ever going to get back into a relationship was if the woman I chose would somehow be enough to fill my cup. I knew it was a lot to ask, but a lot didn’t mean unreasonable. If a woman wanted me to be faithful, she had to make it hard for me to be unfaithful. That burden was not entirely on her shoulders, but a great deal of it was.
[ALSO READ: Don't Be A Ho, Be a Man]
When I finally decided to get back into a relationship it was because I thought I found such a woman. But when we got into our first big argument, and I left her place, upset with her, myself, and us, I realized exactly what it meant to have a woman who was enough to make me not want to cheat.
In the past, arguments like the ones we had would have led me straight to another woman’s arms. The uneasiness caused by the fight could be soothed by someone else. Now, after this argument, I found myself wanting to handle things a different way. I just wanted to go home and be by myself. And though I was still upset, I was relieved when I realized I learned a valuable lesson: I didn’t want to cheat on my woman because she had figured out a way to argue with me to the point where I was too tired to even say "Hi" to another woman.
If it sounds like I’m telling women to exhaust their man in an argument to the point where he doesn’t even have the strength to dial a past fling, you’re halfway to understanding what I’m really getting at. The fact is, if a man or a woman wants to cheat, they will cheat, there’s nothing the other person can do to stop them. But there are things we can do to increase the likelihood they’ll never start and—things that may have nothing to do with how good we are to the other person and how well we treat them.
Sometimes we have to give the other person hell and tire them out to the point where they get so exhausted, all they want to do is be with us and us only.