Why It's Not Okay to Give Your Man a Free Pass
"The Game" and "Basketball Wives" Tell Us Why.
After watching Tuesday night's episode of The Game, where Malik (Hosea Chanchez) visits his girlfriend Jenna (Tika Sumpter) in rehab to get the okay to sleep with other women while she gets her life in order after not being able to "perform" in a four-some due to his guilt, I thought about Evelyn and Chad's conversation on Basketball Wives a few weeks ago. They discussed giving him a pass as long as he consulted with her first. Evelyn later penned a blog about this conversation, titled "Tighten Up," the phrase she used to describe what Chad needs to do before they take their wedding vows.
In the blog, Evelyn writes, "I am not condoning Chad for cheating; I am a realist as to the world we live." As for Malik, once his pass was issued, he returned to home where the three women of his foursome were still waiting (really?) and this time, he was "ready."
Now, I could have easily dismissed Malik's behavior as just TV hyperbole but when Evelyn in her real-life relationship is more or less co-signing this behavior, I'm not quite sure what to think. I know that "regular" chicks who date "regular" dudes have given a pass or two in their lives, whether they are willing to admit it or not. They have also rationalized the pass into something else like, patience and understanding, whatever the case — ladies WTF? What are we doing?
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I mean, for all intents and purposes, as my friend Tamara told me, Chad is just being a man — charming, handsome and accepting or batting away sexual favor. But what the hell are we doing? We're not only condoning (directly or indirectly) but rewarding bad behavior by continuing to hold dudes down that are not returning the favor. Their behavior is excused in their minds because we continue to not only deal with them but also articulate our "understanding" of their misbehavior.
No doubt, there will always be "another" woman willing to deal with bull-ish and also down to do whatever with "your man" and that's truly sad. But perks (Maserati and all) can't be worth your dignity and self-respect. Fellas, here's to not doing what you want because you can. And ladies, can we really work on creating a standard for ourselves and never settling for anything less?
I don't mean to sound self-righteous — I'm a work in progress myself, after all.