Ladies, Beware of the 'Cheap Date' Test
Ever been given the "Chipotle Test"? One guy reveals his method of testing women
Dear ”In My Skin” readers,
For the next couple of weeks, I’ll need to take a break from writing on this blog. Recently, I have found myself tied down with the stress of New York City apartment-searching. Unfortunately, for me, I have had more bad luck than good, which is why I need to step away for a moment to get my living situation straight. Of course, when I return I will have much to talk about! As Carrie Bradshaw said once in an episode of 'Sex and the City', “In New York, everyone is always looking for a job, a relationship, and an apartment.” This is so true! In the meantime, my homegirl Semmi, who has been inspiration for many of the posts I’ve written, will be taking over. Semmi currently freelances in New York City (you may have read some of her work here on Loop21). She’s a great writer and conversationalist, and trust, she has many stories to tell about her journey through womanhood—especially when it comes to dating.
So, please show some love for my girl Semmi in my absence. I’ll be back soon. Probably with an “I’m having a mid-20 life crisis” part 2!
Now, words from Semmi W.
The next time a fine man asks you out for coffee or decides to “surprise” you with a dinner date, be afraid. Be very afraid. Seriously, take your number #2 pencil out (remember those? I love vintage), and be prepared to take the “Chipotle Test.”
I first became aware of the Chipotle Test after meeting a very handsome gentleman in a land known as Harlem World. He was Ivy League, funny, in law school, and taller than me in heels…check, check and check. If I weren’t so heartbroken over another guy (and cue the Melanie Fiona album), I certainly would have taken him more seriously.
As we sipped cocktails at the birthday party, Mr. Hubby Material explained that every woman he’s been serious with has endured a “test date” where he organizes a surprise dinner to…Chipotle. And if it’s not Chipotle, it must be a restaurant (if you even want to call it that) within the same price range. This man - who has a finance background and the earning potential to cure ALL the debt my girlfriends and I are currently paying off while standing tall in our H&M shoes (no Carrie Bradshaw here) - admitted that men can be just as strategic as women when it comes to finding “The One.”
[ALSO READ: 3 Types of Black Women Easier to Date]
The Chipotle Test is how Mr. Hubby Material says he assesses how “genuine” a woman is. It’s how he figures out if she is just in it to “trap” him, or if she really just wants to get to know him for who he truly is. She could be gorgeous, win an Olympic Gold medal, be a direct descendent of Martin Luther King Jr., or Gandhi, be B (do I really have to spell out the rest of her name?), have the freak potential of Rihanna during her red hair I-am-over-Chris Brown-phase-but-not-really, but she must still pass the Chipotle Test.
Mr. Hubby Material will smile, bring you extra napkins, pull out your stool, help you find the right hot sauce…and if he gets his way, order you more tap water. But he will not, under any circumstances, carry out an in-depth conversation about his job, his finances, or anything that might give away the fact that he and P. Diddy are peoples.
To pass the test, the girl must act completely oblivious to the fact the she is at Chipotle and that she might be paying for everything.
After he explained his philosophy, I confided to Mr. Hubby Material. I told him about a recent date that could have been a Chipotle Test, and I failed miserably.
It was a horrible circumstance. It was the kind of date that made me question what crime I committed in my past life to endure a man who ‘surprised’ me with dinner at a popular hot dog spot in Manhattan (I am making it sound much snazzier than it is, trust me).
[ALSO READ: Is There Such Thing as a Mid-20 Life Crisis?]
According to Mr. Hubby Material, I messed up big time. I didn’t get passionate about the hot dogs. I didn’t smile and jump for joy when I had to pay. When he mentioned the spot, I did not act like it was the most interesting thing on Earth. I kept it extremely platonic, I mean, I fired no bullets. All my flirtation weaponry stayed locked. I think he could tell. I made less of an effort. In my mind, I matched his level of reflected enthusiasm.
I probably should have cheated during my hot dog test. But you know what? Oh well. Why should I have to endure an authenticity test? The only way you can really get to know a person is by spending more time with them (and even then there is no guarantee). Taking a woman out to a less expensive restaurant is no way to assess her intentions. Gold diggers are smart. They probably come much more prepared for the Chipotle Test than us regular folk. A basketball “wife” would have passed my hot dog test with flying colors. She might have been able to predict that the Wall Street Banker was just setting me up. Mind games.
By creating a forced environment, you miss out on any opportunity to build something organic. If you are spending the whole date judging how “genuine” a woman is, don’t you (in a sense) display the very trait you want to repel?
The problem was that I expected more. And when it didn’t happen, I reverted to friendship mode. I said, “self, he is just going to be my hot dog friend.” It was an automatic gut reaction.
I want to be wined and dined. I want to surf and turf. Pull out all the stops. Yes, treat me like I am the main chick in an R&B video where the guy is reminiscing about the good times and singing aloud as he stares out the window. No, I don’t want to go to McDonalds or Starbucks on a first date. Go ahead, sue me.
What do you think? Is the ‘Chipotle Test’ a fair way to assess a woman’s morals? Have you experienced the “Chipotle Test” like me? Share your thoughts below.