Why Are Grown People Still Having 'Secret Sex'?
What's the deal with wanting to keep some lovers in the closet?
So, I was talking to a friend the other day and he was telling me about how a co-worker of his was sleeping with another co-worker. He went on to say that this woman was a little reckless (she'd been telling other people in the office that she was sleeping with the married superior!) and she was also just..."not hot." This friend went on to say that if it were him, he'd have to let this woman know that what they were doing was to be shared only behind closed doors (not publicly!) and that if she broke that code of silence, he'd have to give her the boot.
This immediately made me think of a scene from one of my favorite films Raising Victor Vargas. When Victor is upstairs in an apartment having his way with a girl who everyone in the neighborhood calls "Fat Donna," he tells her that she can't tell anyone about their rendezvous. The thing is, Victor is 15 years old—what are grown people doing having secret sex!? My motto is, what's done in the dark, will always come to light, so you might as well keep your ish on the up-and-up.
[ALSO READ: Obama's Secret Service Sex Scandal]
Now, I also know that there is a time and a place for "secret sex." Obviously, the reason why my friend's co-worker should be undercover about sleeping with his subordinate is more because he's violating his marriage vows and putting his job in jeopardy—not because the woman is unattractive or talks too much. And I know that for others it is deeper, like maybe you're having secret sex because you haven't come out to your friends and family yet, but that too is problematic for a host of reasons, largely because secrets of any kind tend to fester and eat at you from the inside out. And the most famous reason we all give is that we don't want "people in our business."
But really, we're not teenagers anymore. We're adults making decisions that we should all be proud of. Of course, sometimes we'll make mistakes, we may even hurt some feelings along the way, including our own, but it's so much better to be honest, to live life in the light rather than the dark.
So no more looking for the shady spot to take a date when you don't want to be seen. No more fear of judgment from friends.
Rep your set proudly: "Hello my name is [insert it here] and this is my boo, with the big mouth, jacked up hair and corny outfit. And s/he belongs to me."
Try it out and tell me what happens.