Pre-Marital Sex: A Must-Have or Morally Wrong?
7 months ago
Sex before marriage is more common than ever, but lovers still face criticism
A simple Google search of "sex before marriage" will land you in a sudden, and conflicting, flurry of concerned inquiries and confident declarations from both prohibitors of and participants in pre-marital sex who engage in conversations -- without ever really coming to a consensus -- about why having it is important, why waiting is beneficial, why it's surely a sin, and why not doing it is ultimately detrimental.
Relationship experts and religious authorities may weigh in, but the question remains, as it has for generations: Should you or shouldn't you?
Following his wedding last month, FOX News columnist Steven Crowder—who "waited sexually in every way" with his wife—declared that they "did it right." If you're feeling judged, Crowder "couldn't care less" because they, the "young, celibate, naive Christian couple," were told their first time would be "awkward and terrible." But, shared Crowder, his wedding was "perfect," especially in comparison to another recently-wedded pair he'd met whose ceremony was simply "one big party [and] another hangover."
Crowder's not-so-subtle advice to society? "If you’re young and wondering whether you should wait, whether you should just give in, do it the world's way and become a live-in harlot/mimbo."
It's that exact slander that sexuality expert Dr. Logan Levkoff, author of "Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be," believes is the issue when talking matters of pre-marital sex—not one's measure of purity.
"The fact that we have a population that vilifies the concept of sex before marriage is a really bad thing," Levkoff said. "We are all sexual beings and choosing to engage in any kind of sex before you have some commitment does not make you a bad person, it makes you very human."
In fact, it makes you part of the majority. Ninety-three percent of Americans admitted to having pre-marital sex by age 30.
Additionally, Americans are increasingly getting married later in life. As of 2011, the median age of both brides and grooms for their first marriage had never been higher at 26.5 and 28.7 years of age, respectively. In 1960, 72 percent of all adults ages 18 and older were married; today just 51 percent are.
"We are extending our adolescence, giving us greater opportunity than ever before to have multiple sexual partners, multiple jobs and live in multiple parts of the country before we settle into a monogamous partnership," said psychotherapist Dr. Tammy Nelson, author of "Getting the Sex You Want." "This is a time of life where we tend to be 'polysexual' and are encouraged to explore our 'options' before we choose that one person that we want to spend our lives committed to."
And couples who do decide to marry early are no more likely to make it in the long run.