Is Sex Fun Anymore?
Surprisingly, studies show people are finding other things to do with their time.
Remember the first time you heard that word and found out what it was? Enthralling.
Remember the first time you had it? Embarrassing.
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Remember the first time you had it with someone you loved? Exhilarating.
Remember the first time you had it with someone you weren't supposed to? Exciting!
At some point in practically everyone's life, sex has been something to look forward to. But lately, it seems as if people just aren't enjoying it anymore.
Earlier this month, a study conducted by the University of Chicago Booth School of Business found that people enjoyed engaging in social media more than engaging in coitus. Respondents, who ranged in age from 18 to 85, said that the need to check tweets, pictures, comments and other posts was stronger than the desire for sex and cigarettes in terms of temptation.
Another startling statistic from the Better Sleep Council tells us that 61 percent of all U.S. adults (and 79 percent of women) would rather get a good night's sleep than a good night of action.
The ladies aren't the only ones turning their noses up at doing the nasty either. In Australia, 10,000 men participated in a "pleasure quotient test" that asked them to name things that gave them the most pleasurable experience. Food topped the list. Personal accomplishments and relaxing came second and third. Sex lagged behind in fourth.
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So, let's get this right. People would rather "poke" on Facebook instead of poke around in bed? Women would rather just get sleep, than get some? Are the only breasts and thighs that men want from women appearing on a hot dinner plate now?
Sure seems like it and relationship therapist Dr. Margaret Paul says she knows why.
"The reason it's true is because so many people are engaging in disconnected sex," the Los Angeles-based therapist told Loop 21. "They don't feel intimate with their partner, they don't feel loved or loving. The problem is that people use sex addictively and recreationally instead of using it to express their love for someone. It just becomes another way to avoid taking responsibility for their own feelings and taking care of themselves in loving ways.
"People who know how to share their love for someone else continue to have wonderful sex," she continues. "Those are not the people who say they get more out of Facebook than making love."
An ABC Primetime poll taken in 2004 supports her theory. According to participants, plenty of people are having sex and a high number of them are pretty adventurous with it. Fifty-seven percent of those polled said they've done it outdoors, and 42 percent of them consider themselves "sexually adventurous." While a 2010 study by the National Survey of Family Growth found that more than one-quarter of people interviewed in their late teens and early 20s had never had sex, that also means the remaining three-fourths of people have been getting it in.
Salon.com politely called BS on some of the studies earlier this year, pointing out that many times they are conducted by companies with something to gain. The Better Sleep Council that said people prefer sleep over sex is a creation of the mattress industry. Another study that insisted people loved bacon more than sex was paid for by a bacon manufacturer. Then there was a study that said people would rather go without sex than be without their iPhone -- that was conveniently sponsored by a mobile app company.
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While the validity of such studies can be questioned, Dr. Paul insists that there are a great number of people who are putting sex on the back burner.
"Single people tell me all the time that it's boring and they don't want casual sex," she says. "People are discovering that sex without meaning is not fun. A majority of people who get tired of sex are women. Women are emotionally driven, males visually. But even males get bored with the dating because they don't have any connection; you need that in order to have sex."
Or perhaps, at least, good sex.
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