Dealbreakers: Does Domestic Violence Always Doom a Relationship?

Some say abusers can change

Eighty-five percent of women who leave an abusive relationship, return. And they can do so at least seven to eight more times before finally deciding to leave permanently.

But the reasons for their hesitance vary. The National Network to End Domestic Violence reports victims can feel "a real fear of death or more abuse if they leave." They are also "made to think they cannot survive on their own" (often because abusers create financial situations that make leaving nearly impossible). And the most common, yet challenging reason: "She believes his promises to change."

Though many of you may be sighing and shaking your heads at the naiveté of a seemingly helpless victim, even experts with the National Network to End Domestic Violence don't deny that change is indeed possible -- if the abuser makes the "choice" to do so.

Can some couples truly overcome domestic violence?

 RIHANNA'S FORGIVENESS NOT UNCOMMON?

WHAT THE EXPERTS SAY:

Carole Lieberman, psychiatrist and author of "Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them & When to Leave Them": "Once a man has become physically violent, you need to get out of the relationship, no matter how much he begs you to forgive him. The violence is only going to escalate. It may start as a push or a slap, but the next time it will go further, and then further."

Tina Tessina, psychotherapist: "Domestic violence doesn't have to be a dealbreaker if the person with the anger and violence issues gets help. Once that person acknowledges that and learns to control his or her temper and tantrums, then it is possible that the marriage can be saved. People who are violent often have an exaggerated sense that their anger is not a problem and are usually psychically wounded from childhood, so this requires some work to resolve."

Jim Bouchard, co-author of “Love Like a Black Belt: Cracking the Code to Being a Happy Couple": "Staying with someone who has a history of domestic abuse is, at best, a very risky decision. You need to consider why it is you would even want to give your partner a second chance. Is it really that you see the potential for change, or do you fear rejection, being alone or even continued violence outside the relationship? Also, you must be prepared to leave at the first sign of a return to past behaviors."

[ALSO READ: WHY ABUSED WOMEN STAY]

WHAT YOU SAY:

Salute! President Obama Will Sign Violence Against Women Act

Bill's renewal extends rights to others

President Obama will sign the renewed Violence Against Women Act into law Thursday. Having been passed by both the Democratic Senate and the Republican House, the Act offers assistance to victims of domestic and sexual violence. Its renewal extends the protections to gay, bisexual or transgender victims, and allows American Indian women who are assaulted on reservations by non-Indians to take their case to tribal courts. It authorizes $659 million a year over five years to fund programs that provide grants for transitional housing, legal assistance, law enforcement training and hotlines. Obama hopes for similar days ahead with an agenda that includes immigration, gun control, and a new debt reduction that includes higher taxes on the wealthy as well as budget cuts. (USA Today)

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Violence Against Women Act Renewed by Senate, Heads to House

Obama calls for House to follow suit

The Violence Against Women Act was renewed by Senate on Tuesday with a 78-22 vote. All "no" votes came from Republicans, while all female senators (regardless of their political party) supported the legislation. Reauthorizing the act extends services, such as funding for investigation and prosecution of violent crimes against women, through 2018. It also gives various protections and assistance to women facing domestic abuse. The act is now heading to the House, but last year when the Senate voted to extend the Act's protections to same-sex partners, undocumented immigrants and Native American women, it was met with resistance from the House. In a statement praising the effort for its bipartisanship, President Obama said, "It's now time for the House to follow suit and send this bill to my desk so that I can sign it into law." (LA Times)

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Primary Docs Urged to Start Screening Female Patients for Domestic Abuse

Task force wants them to begin protecting "all populations"

A panel of medical experts that advise the federal government have recommended that primary care doctors begin screening women for domestic violence during their visits. The task force said that screening for intimate partner violence showed a "moderate net benefit" and that the risks associated with disclosing the abuse were small. Intimate partner violence includes physical violence, sexual abuse, psychological abuse, stalking and reproductive coercion (intimidation that increases the risk of unplanned pregnancy). If abuse is confirmed, physicians should refer them to intervention services, including counseling, home visits, and mentor programs. The guidelines apply to women aged 14 to 46. "The bottom line is that more research is needed on how primary-care clinicians can effectively screen and protect all populations, including older and vulnerable adults, middle-aged women, men and children from abuse and violence," said Dr. David Grossman. (LA Times)

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Evelyn and Chad Reunite, Hold Hands in Public

The two were seen taking pictures with fans at one of Chad's semi-regular dinners.

A week after Evelyn Lozada lifted the no-contact order against Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson, they are seen out and about hand-in-hand.  The couple was married in July but soon after, Lozada filed for divorce following a domestic dispute. They were recently spotted at a Miami restaurant where the former football player held one of his semi-regular dinners for the first 100 of his Twitter followers to show up. 

According to Gossip We Love, Lozada has already welcomed Johnson back into their home in Miami and spent $8,000 on a Christmas gift for him. Following the domestic violence charges brought against him, Johnson lost his job as a wide receiver for the Miami Dolphins as well as endorsement deals.

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Must a Victim Be Famous For You To Care?

When celebs abuse women, public outrage is for those who beat the equally well-known

By now, you've probably lost count of the number of articles, tweets, YouTube replies and Facebook comments calling singer Chris Brown everything but what his mother named him. Some people hate his music, while many others just hate him. Once an R&B golden boy, the change in public attitude came after he assaulted pop princess Rihanna in 2009 after a heated argument turned violent.

While the removal of his songs from radio rotation, suspension of his commercial ads and loss of his sponsorships were the as-to-be-expected punishments at the time, the hounding by the public and media since then have prolonged to the point that Brown often still looks like the aggressor even when he is the one being attacked.

While it took CB a year or two to be viewed as someone other than an abuser once again, the fact remains that despite #teambreezy continuing to buy his albums and pack out his shows, he's still labeled as a bad guy whom some wish would disappear.

But Brown isn't alone in his quest to reshape his image and get his career back on track after abusing a woman.

[Also Read: Leave Chris Brown Alone]

Rapper Mystikal topped the charts in 2000 with his smash, "Shake Ya A**," only to go to prison four years later to serve a six-year sentence for sexual battery and extortion. He along with two bodyguards forced his hairstylist, whom they claim stole his money, to perform oral sex on them to make up for it. In the years that he was put away, Mystikal may not have been in the public eye, but his name wasn't necessarily dragged through the mud either. Out of sight, out of mind perhaps.

But since his release, the demand for new music has grown. Each time he releases a new song or video you'll see online comments saying, "Mystikal's still got it!" or "I'm so glad Mystikal is back!"

Now, there's nothing wrong with being happy to see your favorite artist making music again. But it is pretty funny how many of the same voices expressing happiness at Mystikal's return are the same ones wishing that Chris Brown would go away.

Unlike Chris Brown's victim, Rihanna, Mystikal's former hair stylist doesn't have a fan club. Nor does she have endorsements. We probably wouldn't remember or recognize her if we saw her on TV either. She hasn't recorded songs with Jay-Z or Kanye West. And Barbara Walters and Oprah didn't trip over themselves to get an interview with her. To this day, most of us still don't know her name or what she looks like.

And odds are that most of us don't care either.

Why does it seem that when celebrities get in trouble for putting their hands on women, how the public treats them differs depending on whether their victim is famous?

Woman Accused of Killing Husband, Then Making Him Dinner

Elderly NJ woman suffered dementia, years of domestic violence, her children say

A New Jersey woman is accused of shooting and killing her husband of 54 years after her children say she suffered years of abuse at his hands.

Fredericka Rosa, 77, of Pemberton Township, has been charged with first-degree murder in the July 21 death of her husband, 79-year-old Valpa Rosa Sr., Burlington County, N.J., prosecutors say. She was free on $150,000 bail awaiting arraignment.

[ALSO READ: Rihanna, Chris Brown Shine Light on Domestic Violence]

Rosa explained what happened to her adult children, who waited two days to call police. During those two days, according to media reports, Rosa continued to cook meals for her husband, even checking on him when he would not show for dinner, family members said.  

Rosa's children are on her side. They say their mother suffers from dementia and snapped after suffering years of abuse by her husband.

“He drove her insane,” daughter Rosetta Rosa told Philadelphia's NBC 10 TV station. “He drove her to the point where she picked up the gun and shot him.”

“I understand why my mama did it,” son Valpa Rosa Jr. said.

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